Couples Therapy
Creating Connection
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
― Lao Tzu
Wired for Connection
Emotional connection is our greatest of human needs throughout our lives. When we feel safe and secure, loved and seen, we are able to be creative, take risks and grow. When we feel emotionally connected, we tell ourselves it’s safe to move in close, our whole nervous system relaxes. So it makes perfect sense that when we cannot reach our loved ones emotionally, it is painful, coded as a threat to our safety and security.
How we get stuck
Sometimes it is hard to tune into our own feelings and needs, to understand them clearly and send clear messages to ask for what we need. Sometimes our partners cannot tune in and respond to us the way we need them to. It is hard to know how to deal with these moments of hurt and disconnection. We develop a way of coping that either has us moving away, trying to weather the storm and waiting until it seems safe to reengage, or getting frustrated and angry, trying to send a message of distress that ends up sounding critical or blaming. When we get stuck in this dance or cycle with our partners, the softer signals get lost and it is impossible to connect.
Using Emotionally Focused Therapy…
I can help you to slow down, recognize your negative cycle and be able to interrupt it with empathy and emotional closeness – creating greater security and a felt sense that your partner is there for you and can stay close.
I work with couples at all levels of distress, effectively helping couples deepen intimacy, heal from relationship injuries including infidelities, cope with life’s challenges, and learn how to talk about anything and everything while feeling connected and secure.